Post 164 - Frustrated musings

I somehow managed to get myself into good shape for the Scottish East District cross-country championships in Aberdeen in December, and somehow managed to back this shape up with a good run on the day to qualify to represent Scotland East at the Scottish Inter-District Championships in early January. It really was a tough build-up and I was always fighting niggles and managing myself to make it to the race in one piece.  I’m not getting any younger and it’s not getting any easier… Indeed, just recently, for the first time, someone said (seriously, not jokingly) to me, “Are you a master yet John?” A Master being a cross-country runner who is over 35 years old... I was happy enough with Aberdeen, but saying that, I again wondered how much better I could be if I could run 60-80 miles a week consistently instead of the 20 or so I inconsistently manage, backed up by some turbo training and a little swimming. I wonder this a lot.

It seems I cannot maintain high levels of fitness without breaking down injured or breaking down sick. There was always going to be a bit of a comedown after Aberdeen as it had been a big target and I needed a bit of a switch-off for a few days. But I knew I was in shape to run a sub-32 minute 10K, given who I had run with and finished beside in Aberdeen. I’d love to run sub-32, as much as I’d love to qualify for Kona. It has kept me going with running. A tough experienced runner-turned-coach in Aberdeen looked at me as a silly, naïve 18-year old who thought he might break 40 for a 10K, and told me “you’ve got sub-32 in you.” Him saying that was one thing, me coming to believe it was another thing, but 16 years later it still hasn’t happened. I’d do anything to make it happen. For 16 years it’s one of the things that has kept me putting on my runners and going out training, and has kept me coming back for more when out injured. It’s a monkey on my back. Or a massive bloody gorilla that won’t let go until I get rid of it with a 31 clocking.

So straight after Aberdeen, I wanted to find a fast 10K ASAP, while I had the fitness for it. I found the Ribble Valley 10K on 30th December. The English 10K championships. In the north of England. Not too far from Scotland. People were going from Scotland who I knew would run sub-32, who I had beaten in Aberdeen. Could I hold it together until then? My brother was due to get married on 22nd December. I decided against Ribble Valley. Sub-32 would have to wait. But I really wanted to do it, and to strike while the iron was hot. I didn’t want to wait until spring time. I could be injured or back doing multi-sport (duathlon or triathlon) or whatever by then. I said I’d do anything to make sub-32 happen. I guess that was a lie, because if it wasn’t I’d have declined my brother’s wedding, stayed in my flat in Edinburgh, not touched any alcohol or Christmas food or gone out or talked to anyone all Christmas, kept training, kept eating clean and nutritious food, and gone to Ribble Valley and finally done my sub-32. But I didn’t do any of that.

The wedding was really good fun, but I fully expected to get ill afterwards. This blog is written from an athletic point of view. Sure enough, from an athletic point of view, the wedding and Christmas was a disaster, and I was glad I hadn’t made arrangements for Ribble Valley. I knew what would happen, and it's exactly what turned out happened:

I did a fairly fast beach ParkRun in the morning of the wedding, depleting me. Then at the wedding, shouting over loud music at hundreds of people I hadn’t seen for ages, many of them seemingly ill, being spat on by them as they shouted back at me, having my pint spat in, being in a crowded hot function room, eating relative rubbish, not able to eat my normal (or abnormal) diet of ginger, garlic, seeds, falafel, turmeric and everything else I eat to try to stay fit and well, drinking, staying up late, dancing, sleeping badly, doing “normal”, “fun” stuff, all a bad, bad, bad mix for an athlete in good condition. Especially the ever-fragile, ageing me. I don't realise how tight I turn the screw, how much I put into it all, how every aspect of life is as geared as it can be towards enabling me to do the best I can at my sport, until I step back from it all. The funny thing was, the next day, I actually thought I had gotten away with it.

A pretty cool ParkRun photo

Then I was down to Dublin for a night and the bus coming home stopped off at Dublin airport, and so many ill people got on, it was horrible, like a mobile influenza ward. The next morning (Christmas morning) I felt awful. I still went and ran Greencastle on Boxing Day and ran a course PB, even with feeling so terrible. I just missed the podium and the prizes, but if I’d been fit and well…

I continued kidding myself that I wasn’t sick and did a bike ride with my dad before finally accepting I needed help and went to the doctor and got antibiotics for a chest infection. I bailed on the New Year’s Day triathlon in Edinburgh. I was gutted. I dare say I probably would have won it. Deirdre was in Edinburgh and she raced, going really well on the bike. 

Christmas running, where the running all started for me

Christmas cycling with the oul fella leading the way

100m to go in Greencastle

Less than a mile to go in Greencastle (approximate mile splits: 4:50, 4:50, 5:30, 6:20, 4:55.
Mile 4 = hill. Race slogan = "It's just a hill, get over it!")

Such a brilliant day for the New Year's Day triathlon

Deirdre blitzing the bike

I had thought to myself that at least I had two and a half weeks to get better before the Scottish inter-districts, but Christmas and new year completely warped my sense of time, and I realised that I only had just over a week before the race on 12th January, so I was very much on the back foot and it was damage limitation. A shame – last year’s race was ruined by exactly the same thing.

A week after that will be a district league cross-country, then a week after that will be a local cross-country, then we are into February. I’ve entered the Armagh 5K again (the fastest 5K in the world in terms of how many people finish under 15 minutes), and will hope to have a good run there. Maybe not sub-15, but if I can be consistent, not sick and not injured, I don’t think I’ll be too far off it.

Then the dilemmas start. Dilemma number one is a fairly minor one as it won’t shape the course of the year: whether to run the Scottish national cross-country championships or the Ulster cross-country championships – both are on the same day.

Pros for the Ulsters: I’ve got a great record, I’ve won 5 Ulster team golds (I don’t think anyone else has 5 golds, and so why not try and keep the record going as long as I can), it’s a rare home race, I like the course, I could finish quite high up if I can avoid injury and illness.

Pros for the Scottish nationals: There’s a good chance I can win the club cross-country championships but only if I run the Scottish nationals, I’d like to get selection for the UK inter-counties in Loughborough in March and the stipulation is that selection is mainly based on how well you run in the Scottish Nationals (OK, I could make a case for myself if I run well at the Ulsters, but it’s much more preferable to do things the right way), the Scottish race is just down the road and is therefore handier and cheaper, and it would be interesting to see how I could run there.

I don’t know what to do. I’ll need to think it through.

Then come more dilemmas. I really want to run a sub-32 10K (and a sub-70 half marathon, and therefore a 52-minute 10 mile race). I also really want to qualify for Kona (the Ironman world championships). I really want to do another good short-course triathlon season, as last season (my first season doing short-course triathlon) went far better than I ever thought it would until injury ruined it. I’ve qualified to go to the world short-course triathlon championships at the start of September and I want to go there and do as well as I possibly can (possibly threatening the podium). I’ve qualified to go to the world duathlon championships at the end of April where I genuinely think I can get on the podium. I also want to run a sub-2:40 (sub-2:30?!) marathon.

All of which I want to do before I am over the hill, and I've a feeling at 34 years old now the top of the hill is approaching, and other things in life may also take over. Achieving these things is possible. Not a given, but a possible. I have the potential to achieve them. I don't like unrealised potential. I like to be able to say "that was the best it could have been." Then I would probably draw my modest competitive sporting career to a close on my own terms rather than being forced out due to long-term injury or medical issues. The problem is, none of these targets are compatible and I can’t do them all in a year.

I think I can plan up until the end of April relatively easily. My training is going to be lending itself to doing a bit of cycling anyway, as I simply can’t do the running mileage without getting injured. So a week of training might look like this:

Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Bike intervals
Wednesday: Tough swim or easy run
Thursday: Running intervals
Friday: Easy run or rest
Saturday: Race or tempo run or tempo bike
Sunday: Long run

I would tweak it depending on the upcoming targets, for example doing more cycling if a duathlon was upcoming. Adding in cycling to/from work and with all the strength and conditioning work, I can get myself in decent shape like this.

If I get through the Armagh 5K, and do either the Ulster cross-country or the Scottish national cross-country, then March will be busy. Hopefully I’ll go to Loughborough (UK inter-counties), and I’d love to go back to Bere Island in south-west Ireland and have a crack at the ParkRun course record there in March. I’d like to do the Scottish Road Relays in March. The Scottish Duathlon clashes with the Titanic 10K in Belfast at the end of March, so that’s another dilemma. I’m still undecided. If I didn’t do the Belfast 10K then this would only leave me one chance at a 10K in mid-April in Grangemouth. Then a big target will be the world duathlon championships in Spain at the end of April.

Then the dilemmas really start. I have three choices:

One: Do I continue with the running through the summer? I’d love to do this. There’s much less expense, much less stress in travelling to races, running is “pure” – one pair of runners is all that’s needed and the playing field is level. Give me £10,000 and I can buy a lot of nice equipment that will make me faster on the bike, but running is pure. It’s feasible I could run 69 for a half marathon, 52 for a 10-mile race, 31 for a 10K, sub-9 for 3K.

Two: Or, do I focus more on short-course triathlon? There are a number of local races which I could do, and I could make the main focus of the year going to the world short-course triathlon championships in Switzerland at the end of August in top shape. I would think it realistic that I wouldn’t be too far off challenging for a podium there. I enjoy the variety of training that three disciplines offer, but I am frustrated by having to accept that doing three sports means I’ll never reach my potential in any one of the three. Therefore I’d have to accept that summer running will not be the priority. The world duathlon and Scottish duathlon would also tie into this plan ,with the possibility of a world medal and another Scottish national medal.

Three: Or, the big call, do I go all out for one last Ironman? I feel there is unfinished business there. I’ve lost count of the number I’ve started. About 10. I’ve been good enough for Kona. It's another monster gorilla on my back. But due to dreadfully bad circumstances Kona has never happened (bad luck? Is bad luck a thing? Do you make your own luck? Do you get what you deserve? 10 races and nearly a decade of disaster? How often do you keep coming back for more?) If I'm ever going to come back for more, 2019 is probably the year, when I am free enough and settled enough to commit the time. Plus, strike while the "iron" is hot. I was on a high after the half ironman world championships in South Africa in September 2018. I learned a lot there. A few missing puzzle pieces fell into place. It would be a shame not to apply all that learning to another ironman. Plus there are other things that all add up:

• I probably don’t need to do as much training as I think I need to do. I ran a 1:22 half marathon in the half ironman in South Africa, off no running training whatsoever. Not a step. It was genuinely unbelievable.

• Being fresh for the race is better. When I was doing Ironmans from London, I was grossly overtrained and overcooked by the time the races arrived. Be 15% undertrained rather than 1% overtrained. 

• I have a faster and more aggressive aero position on the bike.

• I have a disc wheel (faster).

• I have a great new aero helmet that doesn’t give me appalling headaches like my old aero helmet did.

• I have great Scottish country roads that are easily accessible, rather than having to do 5-hour turbo trainer sessions as I did in London. There’s no substitute for long rides on the road. Plus my road bike has a power meter so I can ride to power on these training rides.

• My nutrition is sorted (Tailwind nutrition, tried in South Africa: a powder you mix with water that gives you all you need. No build-up of solids to come exploding out in a port-a-loo if you’re lucky or in your shorts if you’re unlucky. No feeling hungry throughout the race. I didn’t once feel like I needed a port-a-loo in South Africa. It was a revelation. Nor did I feel hungry in the race).

• One bottle of concentrated Tailwind nutrition and one bottle of water is all I’ll need to carry (no gels, no bars, and only two bottles) – weight on the bike will be less, to the tune of maybe 2-3kg, which will mean more speed.

• Losing a few minutes in the swim is OK if you exit the water at 150bpm instead of 170bpm, you'll get benefits for the next 8-9 hours.

• Take the benefit of gravity on the bike to let the legs recover. My front brake fell off in South Africa and I needed 5 minutes at the mechanic station to fix it. I was raging at the time but the enforced rest set me up for a strong second half of the bike and a strong run. I lost 5 minutes on the bike due to the stop, but if I hadn’t had that 5 minute break then my run probably would have been a lot slower.

• Lower tyre pressures are generally a little bit faster (galling to think I might have qualified at a previous race with 20psi less in my tyres).

• My feet – wear tri shoes with no socks to let the feet dry out on the bike (whether after the swim or after peeing on the bike), this means they’ll not be wet, wrinkled, soft, and ending up in agony on the run. As opposed to bike shoes and wet socks as I did in the past.

• Trusting that I’ve been there and done it before when it comes to ironman, and trusting in all of the above, and trusting in my fitness, and having a much shorter build-up and going into the race fresh, peaked and ready to perform.

There are cons too of course. It’s hugely expensive. I am sick of spending the money. The bike is currently in for a service. I haven't touched it since South Africa - I barely built it back up again, I could hardly look at it. It was filthy. The bike shop quoted £250 for the work plus a few parts. 

Also, it’s a huge time commitment. It could go wrong again in which case it’ll be another year wasted. A year in which I could have kept on running, spent a fraction of the ironman money on physio and massage, and had a great year of PBs. Or really focused on the short course triathlon and duathlon world championships.

It’ll be pressured, because this really will be the last chance, if “real life” starts happening and I start thinking about settling down and all that adult stuff that I’ve never had to think about before. I couldn’t be doing ironman training around all that. I wouldn’t want to be. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person, if I can’t give something 100% and maximum commitment, I’m not interested in doing it. I know I could do it this year, but beyond this year I am not so sure I could, or indeed would want to. I would be very happy to draw a line under the obscenity of competitive long-course ironman triathlon. I'd have been happy to draw that line in 2011 or 2013 (or 2014 or 2015 or 2016) if I'd qualified. 

So if I decided to go for it (and I haven’t yet decided), then that leads to the question, which Ironman to do? I’d love to go back to South Africa and do the full Ironman there. I've been there, I know it, it’s a great course, it suits me, it’s not cold (I hate the cold and can’t race well in it), it’s a continental championship race which means more Kona slots available. But it’s a long and expensive way away, I couldn’t do this April’s edition as I have other racing plans, and I don’t want to drag it out into April 2020. Plus, it would mean winter training in Scotland. Tough.

Ironman Wales? Relatively local. But a very tough race, potentially very cold and wet, and very tough to qualify at. Ironman Cork in Ireland? A new race, an unknown, difficult to get to. And a cold June sea swim. Ironman Lanzarote? No, a spring time ironman doesn’t fit my plans. A continental European Ironman? That would mean flying with the bike, foreign country, tough competition, tough to qualify. North America? Australasia? Too far away. Too expensive. I don’t have unlimited funds.

Ironman UK? Not many Kona slots, but it’s in the UK summer, it’s a benign lake swim, I know the course and the logistics, it’s not too far from Edinburgh. I think if I had to choose, it would have to be Ironman UK. If I did it, I could train up to the world duathlon championships i April, then have May and June (8 weeks) to fully focus on long-course training, a 2-week taper in July, then Ironman UK, and then if I qualified for Kona I could still go to the world short-course championships at the end of August (albeit that my performance would certainly be compromised as I’d be training for Kona and not a short-course race), I’d go to Kona in October 2019 and then retire from long-course racing. If Ironman UK didn’t go well, then Ironman Wales could be a back-up…

So. Will I give up my year and my running ambitions and my short-course triathlon ambitions for one last throw of the dice at Ironman UK…? That is the big question…

One last thing to do at this time of year is reflect on the highs and lows of the year that has passed. So here goes, off the top of my head, from an athletic point of view. Starting with the lows, because it's always good to finish on a high...

Lows (some lower than others):

• Having to run for Scotland East in January 2018 at the Scottish Inter-Districts with a chest infection, and being way below par.

• Being off the boil at the East Lothian Cross Country - I've managed to win a few road races, but never a cross-country race. I'd love to win a cross-country race. This was one that got away. I led for a lot of it but knew I wasn't having a good run, I was still coming back after the chest infection, and I got passed with a mile and a half to go.

• Missing the Bere Island ParkRun course record by a few seconds. I'd love to break this record, but chances to do it are few and far between. Once a year if you're lucky... The windy wild Atlantic conditions cost me the record. Oh well. Also missing the Poolbeg ParkRun course record by a few seconds - the previous evening's drinking and sloppy Mexican dinner cost me the record, and nearly cost me my dignity in the final half-mile...

• Wearing tri shorts with no drawstring in my first pool triathlon meant that with every wall push-off, the shorts came down, which meant having to push gently to minimise the coming-down (losing so much time), and then fumble with them while swimming to pull them back up, and take pauses at every turn to pull them up. Amateurish.

• Realising that my inability to do tumble turns was costing me dearly in the pool-based triathlons - e.g. I lost 4-5 minutes on the leader (the current world and European champion in my age group) in the Selkirk standard distance triathlon - he had finished his 60-length 1500m swim while I had done only 48 lengths. I pulled him back to 1-2 minutes at the finish but the damage is being done in the pool. I'm not that much slower at actual swimming (in an open water 1900m swim with no turning I'm only a minute back off him) but I just can't tumble turn fast enough/well enough/confidently enough to stay in touch in the pool swims, despite working on it all summer.

• Being terrified on the bike in the Eyemouth sprint triathlon - my deep-rimmed front wheel was catching far too much wind and the bike was very unpredictable, being blown all over the road. I had to get a new, shallower front wheel which made a big difference.

• The Edinburgh half ironman - was the main focus of my year, I trained really well, was in good shape at the start, and completely blew on the run with horrific leg cramps - like being stabbed with knives. Reason being - all the shorter triathlons I had done were all-out blitzes, without having to give much thought to holding back, or to nutrition or hydration. A gulp of water here and a gel there was enough. The half ironman was a different matter, as I found out to my cost. A scorching day and I didn't drink enough or take on enough nutrition on the bike, started fading in the final 5-10 miles of the bike, thought that the run was my forte and that I'd be fine, and ended up screaming in agony in a heap at the side of the road after a mile of the run. I just about managed to "run" under 2 hours in the end. I should be running under 1:20 in such a run.

• Obtaining a half-ironman world championship place by default at the prizegiving later that day - I wanted to feel I'd earned it and I definitely hadn't.

• Injuring my Achilles a week after the Edinburgh half ironman, with the European sprint triathlon championships looming in Glasgow, and the world half ironman in South Africa not long after. I had to bail out of the Gullane and St Mary's triathlons. Entry fees aren't cheap. A stupid, stupid injury. I risk assess everything I do. There's so much I don't do, because my body won't be able to cope. Carrying heavy things. Playing tennis or squash. Playing golf. Any form of contact sport. I thought shooting a few basketball hoops in an amusement arcade with my brothers would be fine. It got competitive. Who can shoot the most hoops in the time limit? We absolutely smashed the high scores. My brother beat me by one lousy shot. The tiptoeing action had strained my calves, which in turn led to an Achilles break down and I couldn't run a step for 2-3 months. How I wish I hadn't played that basketball. I'm still suffering now, 6 months later.

• The European sprint triathlon championships in Glasgow. My reasonably decent performances in sprint triathlons earlier in the year secured my qualification for this. I genuinely had aspirations to finish on the podium in my age group. I wasn't able to run a step for weeks and weeks in training, with the bad Achilles. If I don't go into a race knowing I'm at 100%, I lose interest. I didn't really want to be there. I decided to go anyway, as the opportunity may not come again. People encouraged me saying that you can still give 100%, and I knew that I could and would, but you're giving 100% of a much lower level than if everything had gone well. Anyway. I had a terrible swim, got pummelled in the mass-start, came out of the water on the back foot, had a reasonable bike, not spectacular but not terrible, and then the run - would I even finish? Usually I'd blitz through the field, on this occasion I still did make up places and still did finish (can't remember if seventh or eighth or ninth, it doesn't even really matter), but I reckon I lost 40-60 seconds on the swim and well over a minute on the run. That time matters.

• The world half ironman - again I couldn't do any running in preparation. Same attitude as for Glasgow above. An expensive trip that I just couldn't get excited about. My brake fell off on the bike, I lost a pile of time, and even though my run massively exceeded expectation, ultimately the lack of training and brake issue meant the end result was way off where it could have been. So from a "maximising performance" point of view it was a disaster, but the learning and how much I exceeded my low expectations meant I finished it on a bit of a high.

• The Stirling cross-country league race. I had a break after the world half ironman. Then the first few cross-country races of the season were shorter runs. I got away with these and exceeded my expectations. The first "long" cross-country was Stirling. Simply put, I had an awful run, particularly on the third lap: no fitness, no endurance, and it was a painful realisation that I had a lot of work to do to get to a decent level before the main target of the East District championships.

• The chest infection I got a couple of weeks ago over Christmas and over my brother's wedding. Bah humbug. I had to miss the New Year's Day triathlon and I'm now in damage limitation mode for the first few races of 2019.

• Continual rehabilitation for 3 separate injuries - the dislocated shoulder from summer 2017, the broken wrist from the same bike crash, and the Achilles injury from summer 2018. I'm sick of physios and hospitals and scans and treatment and endless, tedious, time-consuming rehab. It was a huge low to finally get a good NHS physio who tested my shoulder strength after a year of rehab, and to find out that it was still really weak. At least he was able to give me some good, targeted, strength-based rehab.

Highs:

• Running a 5K PB (15:29) in Armagh at a race with a very high-quality field (almost 100 people went sub-15).

• Having a decent run at the UK inter-county cross-country championships in the Scotland East vest. The longest and muddiest cross country I've ever done. I got completely boxed in at the start, which I was raging about when it happened but which set me up nicely for the rest of the race, running strongly and coming through the field to finish in the top 50% (it was another high-quality field!). Also running side-by-side with an old uni running mate who I hadn't seen in over 10 years, and having a chat at the finish. It was a great trip.

• Actually getting back on the bike on the roads after the crash in 2017 which caused a bit of damage. I was tentative, scared even, but I did it and managed to get back to racing at full tilt. 9 lives... how many are left...?

• Finishing third overall in the Scottish National duathlon championships, my first duathlon and my first outing on the "new" (second-hand) bike I'd bought a few months previously. Literally the first time I'd been on it. I had a good run, lost 20 seconds due to a wrong turn, only got passed by 2 people on the bike (one a pro), and had a strong final run up into third overall.

• A decent first short-course triathlon season, and realising that short-course suits me well. Peak performance was winning the Stirling sprint triathlon with my mum and dad watching. I had a very strong run - 17 flat, on a very hilly tough course.

• Running 1:22 for the half marathon in the half ironman world championships. No idea how I managed that as I had done no running training for almost two months, with the bad Achilles. I expected to be walking for most of it. 1:22 was unbelievable. I couldn't walk for a week after it as my legs were so deconditioned, but 1:22 - I finished happy, but wondering what it could have been had I been able to train. I was also happy with the new nutrition - Tailwind nutrition, mentioned earlier in this post.

• Winning the Peebles duathlon two weeks after South Africa and having done nothing in the intervening two weeks. I was more pleased about being able to race strongly after the break than actually winning it.

• Team silver at the National Short Course cross-country championships in Lanark - I had a decent run (very fast course - first mile in 4:48 and I hung on fairly well to finish reasonably well) and was our fourth and final scorer. My Achilles needed a lot of TLC after this, but a national silver medal was good.

• Winning the Edinburgh men's health 10K on a really good course, taking in the castle, Princes Street Gardens, Holyrood Park, the Grassmarket, running on the (closed) Western Approach Road and finishing inside Murrayfield, not far from my flat. I had a strong final mile and although the time wasn't especially quick, the way I executed the race was good. Let the leaders go early and trust that they'll come back later.

•  The East District cross country championships in Aberdeen. I managed to keep the training together, had a strong run, finished in strong company, got picked for Scotland East and realised I was in shape to run a sub-32 10K.

• Winning the club Christmas relays - teams of 2. My team-mate absolutely buried himself for this, it was a great race at the front between 2 teams, a really enjoyable evening, and more like what running should be all about.

• Running ac ourse PB at the Greencastle 5 mile road race on Boxing Day, despite being ill, unfit, and overweight (all relative of course). 

Happy new year...